Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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