lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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