drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
