I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
