She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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