There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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