Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
false alarm, still single
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
