Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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