i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
