I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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