she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
