I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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