Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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