Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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