I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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