All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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