dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
