Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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