why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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