I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
