i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
