There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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