Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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