dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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