She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
