Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
