Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
