Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
