Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize