I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
