There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
