She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
