So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
