Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
