I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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