I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
