The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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