peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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