It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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