Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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