ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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