vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
