That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
