my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
