If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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