Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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