have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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