Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the day after is always just damage control
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
