Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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