I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
