I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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