All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This house was built for laser tag.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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