Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
