we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The air was thick with penises
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
