Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it's like iHOP with fire
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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