Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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