hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
