you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
