The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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