rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
