i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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