Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
