I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
