my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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