it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
