people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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