Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
