Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize