i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
