I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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