So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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