He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
