can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Randomize
