I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
