It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
