I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
the raccoons are back...
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