Joe is yelling at the trees again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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