Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
