For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
