the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
