You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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