I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
