Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
